i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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