Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
