I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
