The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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