Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize