super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
