The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
