Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
