Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
