apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
