It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize