I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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