Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
