btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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