I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize