I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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