I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
