if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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