we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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