Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
