she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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