I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
