don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
