My nipple is on Facebook.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
