I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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