God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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