apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
