You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
