it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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