Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
