life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
