I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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