My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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