i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
