just come out here and I will go home with you...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
