Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
