Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
