no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
