I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
