My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
