my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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