I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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