moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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