Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
