You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
