Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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