I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
