There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
