I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
