I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
