ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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