He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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