well you can't waste a boner
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize