words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Blood and glitter go together right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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