look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
and she was petting her beer can
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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