dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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