covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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