forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
